Focus

I should be more excited about his mother and his son coming up to visit today, but I'm having a really hard time tryign to muster the energy. I spent all day cleaning and shopping yesterday and have more cleaning to do this morning before they get here this afternoon.

Maybe it has to do with my decision that I can no longer afford to waste energy on anything other than focusing on my pregnancy. I wish we spent one tenth of the time we spend talking about his son as we do talking about this pregnancy. Maybe I'm just selfish.

Last night I saw the baby movements for the first time. I've felt the baby for months, but to lay there and watch my child kick and push was one of the more emotional things I have ever seen. Watching the baby move to wherever my hand was one my stomach, I could not believe that after all of these months of being uncomfortable I could finally interact with my child.

Buying all of this stuff for his son's room while the nursery is completely and utterly empty only exacerbates my feelings. It's a physical representation of where the focus in this household is.